I have been the victim of a terrible miscarriage of justice.
I have been accused of an offence against the State*.
I have been arrested in a brutal fashion**, and imprisoned in a crate.
And Rachel the Merciless drove the prison van and took me to a place that every cat dreads: The
Pets Penitentiary Veterinary Surgery***.
The evil vet dragged me out of the crate. Needles were stuck in me. The words ‘crystals’ and ‘cystitis’ were used. Are they trumped-up charges against me?****
Comments were made about how I smelled. Rachel said that she now smelled like me.
After being stabbed by the evil vet, I was shoved back into the prison crate, and put back into the van. Rachel listened to Woman’s Hour on the way home, where a young woman spoke of being imprisoned in the Middle East. Rachel said I should stop crying and count myself lucky. The callousness of that woman!
When I was returned home, I cried piteously. My friends came to visit, and to plead for my release.
And only then would Rachel let me out. My own cries had fallen on deaf ears and a hard heart, but Lottie and Florence succeeded in my appeal against false imprisonment.
I intend to sell my story to the press.
* small dark drops of wee around the house since yesterday, coinciding with Scooter’s jumps on and off furniture and surfaces. Definitely not spraying, more like leaking due to discomfort.
** a fairly traumatic chasing round room of crying, frightened cat, with accompanying tell-tale trail of aforementioned dark and malodorous wee over furniture and carpet. And on me as he was wedged carefully into the travel basket.
*** the surgery where I had taken a small sample of aforementioned etc yesterday for testing, and where urinary crystals were seen clearly through the vet’s microscope. (I hadn’t looked through a microscope in years.)
**** painkillers and long-lasting antibiotics administered for this most unpleasant condition for anyone’s bladder, feline or human.
And then home to shampoo carpets and chairs, wash my clothes, and give Scooter little treats to compensate for his ordeal. Merciless, me? Ha!